Self-Preservation During the Holidays
The holiday season is often depicted as a time of joy, connection, and festivity, filled with gatherings, gifts, and glimmers of happiness. However, for many of us, particularly those carrying the weight of past traumas, this period can elicit a complex mixture of emotions, including stress, anxiety, and depression. As both a trauma survivor and a trauma therapist, I have witnessed firsthand the profound impact that this season can have on one’s mental health and wellbeing. Let’s explore the critical importance of self-preservation during the holiday season, and discuss strategies and insights to navigate this challenging time with resilience and compassion.
Understanding the Impact of Trauma
Trauma, whether stemming from childhood experiences, abusive relationships, loss, or other life-altering events, leaves an indelible mark on the psyche. Individuals who have endured trauma often carry the burden of heightened sensitivity, hypervigilance, and a pervasive lack of feeling safe. The holiday season, with its whirlwind of activities, expectations, and social interactions, can serve as a potent trigger, exacerbating these feelings and potentially leading to feeling overwhelmed and quite activated at best.
The Importance of Self-Preservation
Self-preservation, in the context of trauma recovery, refers to the deliberate practice of prioritizing one’s own mental and emotional wellbeing. It is about creating and maintaining boundaries, engaging in self-care, and giving oneself permission to step back and breathe amidst the holiday chaos. For individuals with a trauma history, self-preservation is not just important—it is imperative.
Establishing Boundaries
One of the cornerstones of self-preservation is the establishment (and often times restating) of clear and firm boundaries. The holiday season often brings with it a slew of invitations, obligations, and expectations. For those navigating the aftermath of trauma, it is crucial to discern which events and interactions are conducive to wellbeing, and which have the potential to cause harm.
Reflect on past holiday experiences: Identify which aspects of the holiday season have been particularly challenging or triggering in the past. Use this insight to inform your decisions about which events to attend and which to decline.
Communicate openly: Be honest with family and friends about your needs and limitations. Remember, setting boundaries is a form of self-care, not a rejection of others. Often times, the ones who get upset about us taking space tend to be the ones whom find benefit from our lack of boundaries.
Give yourself permission to say no: Recognize that it is okay to decline invitations or step away from activities that feel overwhelming. If you feel that your attendance is necessary, give yourself an early out and reward yourself with something that grounds you when you arrive back home. Your wellbeing is paramount.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Self-care is an essential component of self-preservation, providing a foundation of stability and resilience. Engaging in practices that nourish the body, mind, and soul can create a buffer against the stresses of the holiday season.
Establish a routine: Maintain a sense of normalcy and stability by sticking to a regular routine, including consistent sleep, meals, and exercise.
Practice mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or gentle yoga to cultivate a sense of calm and presence.
Connect with supportive individuals: Seek out friends, family, or support groups who understand and validate your experience.
Creating Safe Spaces
The holiday season often involves entering spaces that may feel unsafe or triggering. Creating safe havens, both physically and emotionally, is a crucial aspect of self-preservation.
Identify safe zones: Determine which environments feel safe and comforting, and prioritize spending time in these spaces.
Create a safety plan: Develop a plan for how to exit situations or interactions that become overwhelming, and identify supportive individuals you can reach out to if needed. If you feel obligated to be somewhere triggering, identify micro moments when you can take space to breathe and recharge.
Practice grounding techniques: Learn and practice grounding techniques that can help bring you back to the present moment when feeling overwhelmed.
Embracing Compassion and Self-Compassion
The journey of trauma recovery is fraught with challenges, and the holiday season can amplify these difficulties. Embracing compassion—for oneself and for others—can serve as a balm for the soul.
Practice self-compassion: Extend kindness and understanding to yourself, recognizing that navigating the holiday season with a trauma history is a monumental task.
Connect with the spirit of the season: Engage in activities that foster a sense of connection and generosity, such as volunteering or expressing gratitude.
Be patient with yourself: Understand that healing is a practice, not a goal and it is okay to have moments of struggle.
The holiday season, while filled with moments of joy and celebration, can also be a time of heightened stress and vulnerability for those with a history of trauma. Prioritizing self-preservation through establishing boundaries, engaging in self-care, creating safe spaces, and embracing compassion is crucial for navigating this challenging time. As a trauma therapist, I encourage individuals to honor their own needs and limitations, recognizing that self-preservation is not an act of selfishness, but rather a profound act of self-love and resilience. By nurturing our inner sanctuaries, we create the space to experience the holiday season with a sense of safety, presence, and grace.
